Polar Cats

You know how they say that dogs start to look like their owners? Or maybe it's the owners that start to look like their dogs..

Anyway, a similar thing seems to go on with people and their cats. Except it's not looks that people share with their cats, it's their temperament.

My boyfriend and I both have cats. Completely and utterly opposite cats. The boyfriend and I are also, similarly, completely 100% opposites. Here is a simple diagram to show the difference, followed by a very complicated explanation.

The [boyfriend cat / boyfriend] is super social and loves everything. [He/they] even rubs his face all over their dog and cuddles up with it. But don't be fooled by the instantaneous purring [?] and affection--this [cat/boy] is pure evil. Once I was eating a bagel (or something) at his house, and [his cat/he] jumped up on the table and put his face all over my bagel (or something). Somewhat normal [animal/boyfriend] behavior to approach food, except the bagel was already halfway in my hand and halfway in my mouth at that moment. He was determined. I blew air at him but he just tucked his ears down to make himself more aerodynamic. I squirted him with a nearby squirt bottle until he was more soaked than any [cat/boyfriend] you have ever seen (considering cats/boyfriends do not bathe in water) but he would still not give up.

Boyfriend Cat even ate through a carboard pizza box recently to get to the delicious pizza-y center. And those aren't your everyday weakling boxes, guys. Pizza boxes mean business. Pizza boxes are the Hummer-Tanks of boxes if boxes were cars. (No offense, Scion xb). You know what I'm talking about. Those things are sturdy. They have to be so your pizza doesn't get smashed, since they don't use the little white tables anymore. Remember those things? Those were the days.

But seriously.

[My cat/me] is different. [She/I] hides in my room from everyone and everything. She is afraid of treats if I hand them to her the wrong way [?]. [She/I] doesn't like to mess with anything or be touched by anyone (save for a very exclusive list of preferred peoples).

'This offering does not please me.'